La Publicación del libro.

Con motivo de la inminente publicación de un libro que escribí en el año 2015, he decidido hacer escrituras periódicas que me ayuden a generar interés en el libro y en los libros que están por venir. Digo inminente porque, a pesar de ser un sueño que tenía desde niña, una parte de mí está petrificada de pensar que personas que no me conocen van a leerlo. ´Mi miedo más grande es que la gente piense que perdieron su tiempo leyéndolo,´ le dije a alguien recientemente. Ahora no pienso así porque todos somos un planeta diferente y el libro tiene muchos ingredientes, quizás no termine siendo su plato favorito y no vuelvan al restaurante pero los ingredientes son honestos, no es comida procesada, así que es alimento para el alma. 

Escribir siempre ha sido una forma de procesar mis emociones y quizás por eso postpuse durante tantos años la publicación de un libro o tomarme en serio como escritora, sentía que no sólo se mostraba información sobre mi vida sino también sobre la vida de los que me rodean y eso podía herirlos.

La Última Margaret Keane compila información y sentimientos que tuve durante relaciones con diferentes personas. Está escrito en un formato de diario íntimo e incorpora poemas de otros momentos de mi vida que intenté organizar a través del libro de forma que aportaran a la historia central. 

Ahora estoy explorando otras maneras de escribir. No puedo no hacerlo pero tampoco quiero que siga siendo sobre mí vida y mis relaciones. Este es otro punto que me genera dificultad, ¿es mi vida interesante para quiénes no me conocen? ¿qué tengo yo para compartir que pueda ser de valor para otros? Pero de nuevo, los ingredientes son de verdad, los sentimientos, buenos y malos, son de verdad y la introspección que comparto puede ser un punto de partida o quizás de compañía para otros en situaciones similares. 

Siempre las dudas, la duda interna (¿soy buena o no? ¿voy por buen camino o no?), la duda externa (¿esto lastima a los que me rodean? ¿quienes no me conocen no lo van a entender?), la duda profesional (¿es esto literatura? ¿vale la pena?). Pero siempre el deseo innato por encima de las dudas, la imposibilidad de parar, la necesidad de seguir y en el momento en que se juntan cuatrocientas páginas, la duda que lo resuelve todo: ¿porqué no?

Como dijo Mark Twain, el coraje es resistencia al miedo, control del miedo, no susencia de miedo.

Art and self esteem.

Consistency is key... to success! There are probably many other keys but this is the one you can bet on that feel within reach for now. Consistency and reliability. But there's room to grow, "you haven't reached your full potential yet" - said Steven Manolis, owner of Manolis Projects Gallery, where I work as a Managing Director. I do mostly Marketing and PR.

This week I need to focus on Instagram Ads... Enough with work, we said this is going to be about Art. Well... It's an art gallery, so it is related. But I probably meant about art in terms of paintings, artists, techniques...

We started working with Rom Agam recently. Magnificent work. He is the son of Yacov Agam (he probably will hate that the second sentence of my description of him is the fact that his father is a major artist. Big shoes to fill). But he is excellent and I don't know the story very well but I think he did something else before and discover himself as an artist later in life.

He does opticals that are playful and intricate. They are captivating and somehow humorous at the same time. Humorous in a very serious, almost obsessively meticulous way. Steven advised him to do something that requires less time so he can sell more. I thought for a second that this strategy will make his work less interesting but clearly there are many ways in which an artwork can show the potential of the artist.

Here's a picture of two works from him, one from 2015, Untitled?. And another one from this year; make specifically for our art gallery.

This is an interesting subject but I don't have to much to say except little chismes from the gallery for now. I am hoping to learn more about art so this blog turns into something educational or at least the opinions have more foundation. Why judging my self already and apologizing in case this is not good? Insecurities. Screaming insecurities... But they have calmed down a little. I am getting confidence in business and in relationships. And it pays off!

It might be something that we develop as we grow and get rid of characters of ourselves that we pick up in childhood and tenagerhood. So many different personalities for one life. "Half of our life already passed", said Aaron. So true and what a painful thought.

I have thought about how much I have grown lately. Please correct that in your head. I think I have learned to trust in me, to trust my talent and establish limits. The coach has been so good at teaching me about myself. Also the other coach, the astrologist (MiaAstral) that pumps me every morning with little nuggets of self esteem that are podcast little episodes. What a genius marketer she is.

I just found a podcast called "The Art Marketing Podcast"... I'll let you know next week if its good. I want to become an expert selling art. I love the environment, the products and everything about it. Can you tell? Jaja (what a weird letter: J, it looks like an f) but anyway. I still wish my english was better and I knew more about art. I promise you I will get there. And I promise you one blog entry a week.

The happiness gets deleted.

I told the therapist a week ago that I was feeling perfectly happy. That work was excellent, the relationship was great, and self-esteem was on point... ten out of ten. She said to write it. And I did. And here I am a week after thinking that the relationship is not that great, that the things we have discussed got deleted from his brain and turns out what I had written after talking with the therapist got deleted too.

I remember some of the things I wrote, and I believe the conclusion was that I was getting better at saying what I wanted and putting limits on those around me (still a work in progress). And maybe that's why today's argument was so hurtful. We agreed on some financial changes. He was doing part of it, but in a way that was not what we agreed on, and when I brought it up, he blew up. Many things hurt me about his blowing up today:

1. He says that I said things I didn't say. I get it, he feels triggered by some of the things that I said, but that is different from me actually saying those things.

2. "I have very little faith in the joined savings account because the money always gets expended." Very hurtful one.

3. The apology for getting so mad becomes getting mad again.

It's hard to go back from these arguments. I got very mad, too, and needed space. I left, and I am glad I did because, hopefully, we can talk when I go back. We can't talk when he gets that upset. He curls his hands in a way that aggressive people do. I am not going that route. We can have conversations about things like civilized adults if he doesn't get so defensive every time it's about finances. I guess we both have a sensitive spot there.

I thought for a moment, "this is it; I need to get a divorce," but quickly realized that I can't think that way with every argument. I can go for a coffee if possible and get some space and perspective. That gives him time to calm down, and we can talk about that later.

In other news, I am losing my enthusiasm for painting. Perhaps I should focus on writing for a while since it's easier to do from anywhere, and it's something that comes out so naturally. But I would love to learn how to do portraits.